Failed Relationships
Heartbreak from someone who has been in many relationships - here is my story
“Let’s go out tonight and grab a drink Filipe“ - a friend texted that Sunday morning. “Hi Filipe, how are you feeling those days?“ - an old female friend asked, and then suggested to meet for a coffee and a park walk. My friends wanted to cheer me up.
It was exactly 4 months since I caught my - now - ex-girlfriend on top of another man.
In our bed.
I was a bit anxious, since that Sunday night I had a date planned. The first one in 4 months.
My best friend called and we talked about the whole situation a bit, then he gave me great encouragement, and reminded me to stay playful, and have fun in the date. “Not all women are the same“, he affirmed looking into my eyes.
Despite my hopelessness in dating, at the end of his encouraging conversation I kept telling myself to keep calm and keep things into perspective.
Well, my friend was right( at least I hoped): not all women are the same.
A few hours before the date, the same repeating questions ruminated my mind again.
How could I not have seen that coming? Was I that stupid?! She lied! She promised love, and loyalty, she told me she loved the morning I found out everything. How could I be so damn idiotic?!! I trusted that human being so deeply - and all I had was pain.
We had great memories together, solved problems together. We had a great sex life. We had a vision, we had plans. We had dreams together!!
I was naive, I was innocent - I ignored all red flags
Despite my positive affirmations about overcoming that life period, I knew I had ignored all the red flags when we both started dating. And they were right there!
But, she seemed innocent, she seemed so shy… she was so much of a cute shy girl. A beautiful smart girl, educated, with an air of kindness.
My feelings for her and all of that innocence kind of vibe blinded me to the facts of her life.
She had cheated on her first boyfriend, abandoned her last partner one and he got sick. She had several male friends she used for attention, she was constantly changing her stories. First she said she smoked, then she suddenly did not really smoke(after discovering I did not like). I ignored all of that, blinded by the hope this is gonna be my girlfriend.
She even once openly said “cheating may be ok“, “maybe you really like the new guy, sometimes it’s love“… (Oh my God!) That woman was a mess.
And then she had her best friend…
A friend she really liked and hung out with. A friend she said would never be attractive to her… The same one I contemplated with her. With her serving his desires with so much passion and hunger.
Would I ever trust women again? How?
I arrived at the bar 5 minutes late for my date that Sunday night.
She was already there, and God! She was so incredibly beautiful.
Her blue eyes, good and light smile and a so perfect figure with an athletic vibe. I was excited!
As I seated on the table and order the drinks for us, we started chatting and laughing, I couldn't believe it… “maybe I could do this again” I thought to myself. Were we really clicking?
I was getting ready to crack my best jokes, and make her laugh more.
Then she did it - she looked at the bartender.
My heart was on fire, I was angry, I was furious! “She is gonna cheat. I know it!!!”
I had a panic attack - I saw all again in my minds eye - that morning with Julia and Javier. I was not able to breath, I needed to leave that table. I was paranoid as the woman in front of me was doing nothing wrong.
I wanted to run away. I desperately repeated in my mind: “breath, breath, breath, just breath, breath, Filipe hold yourself, breath“
And then … I woke up. It was all a nightmare. None of that story above happened to me.
I am so so lucky for having learned from my family and through dating how to identify the red flags and walk away right at the beginning.
Let’s look at the take aways from this fiction.
Lessons
The story above is a fiction inspired by a woman I dated for about 4 months. But I did not ignore the red flags.
Though she was a beautiful women with qualities, I knew in my heart she was an emotional mess.
Just as in the story that woman showed through her actions, life style, life stories and past relationships who she really was.
Pay attention close attention at the first stages of your dating.
Did they cheat before? Research shows people who did as 3 times more likely to do it again
Do they run away from problems and uncomfortable situations? Did they leave their partners when things got tough?
Discover their view on cheating
Do they hang out often with men or women one-on-one?
Are they constantly telling different versions of the same story?
Are they authentic open about their lives? Do they smoke? Do they own that?
What is your gut telling you?
Consider their actions and not their words
Date with an open mind, but protect your heart. Take the needed time to get to know the person in front of you.
Trust your gut, and walk away from people who give you what for you are red flags. Take care of your heart, take care of your life. There are men and women we can trust.
And remember to be trustworthy too ;)
Quote of The Week:
"The sun himself is weak when he first rises; and gathers strength and courage as the day goes on." – Charles Dickens
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Have a great week folks.
Tell us the red flags you have encountered. And feel free to reply to this email, and I will see and answer you.
PS.: I love my friends, they always cheer me up.